Emman and Mercedes fall in love despite her being engaged to the heir of a powerful and wealthy family. Their love threatens to destroy everything they hold dear, including their lives. This is a rare gem of Philippine cinema. Philipee? Sinema? Red desire? Like a Christmas present for you. Romantic red lines catching fire? Asia, Malaysia, in the name of the Milky Way WOW! Vow? Solemnly promise to do quietly a specified thing, Perthaction only Santa nose … ah baby.
I dunno, but I heavy always wanted to ask Mary Ann if she could XXXplane her aaahhhmazing dapple lite, like sexually, err, visually, before I fainted and faded into blackness. Like you had stolen me a fucking million times before I even became a pirate. And she lady was like yeah, but actually nah, maybe, hardly, heartly, that I was too hot for her freezing oven, err, kool, she prolly meant light school. Because she went sky-high like a true-love-infinite-8 autographed photographic ensighclopeedia:
“Dappled light refers to patches of light and shadow created when sunlight filters through the leaves of trees or other vegetation. These patches are not simply shadows, but rather multiple, small images of the sun's surface created by the leaves acting like tiny pinhole cameras. The effect is a dynamic interplay of light and shade, often seen under trees, in forests, or on surfaces exposed to filtered sunlight.” … sending me reeling back to the Caribbean as Jack Sparrow, a-nut-her version of me & my stolen piracy … gotta take my hat off before you lady! And without kissing your gently spanked arsea! Fuck, baby, I wish I could, I would … you know I would.
Sea, I couldn’t but fall in love with her yee-ears ago, light years ago, a fucking million times, seriously, ah baby. The piano in the background, your meditation, the second fiddle in the backdrop of my heart, my beditation, brought tears to my eyes, really. Like we were at it over and over again. She went, I came, she went, I came. Like I had met you a million fucking times before. Without being an Awwstrawlian idol, without you, I still feel you keep me astray, at bay, not Australian. We are a black-and-white symphony of colourful dappled light at Torture, sorry not sorry, Tortuga Bay.
My sample is not perthact, yours is, 110%!
Tortuga Island, part of Haiti, is a famous location in pirate lore, particularly as a haven for buccaneers and pirates in the Caribbean. The island is known for its role in stories like Rafael Sabatini's Captain Blood series, where it serves as a base for pirates and smugglers. Tortuga is also featured in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise, where it appears as a bustling pirate port and a refuge for pirates. Like I were a Running Wild pirate, rolling my teary eyes, re-hear-sing for my up-kumming winter, err, wet season, you know, matinée show. Roger that. No orgasm, err, sarcasm intended.
Was it so bed if I picked up a Sax ParadAsia catalogue and flew to Mam-Lay-See-Ya looking for my Mary Ann, the Gurl of Lub U N, err, the Pearl of La-Boo-End, to saxophone, err, her? No, not only to get laid by those tighter Asian sex worker dolls there in Malaysia when I perth felt like Nicas were not enough for bad meditation. Nor for good beditation. Deep down, it didn’t really matter I Jolly Roger Running Wild savagely liked wild cats when I couldn’t find her running wild enough, I perth tried saxophoning the raging seize of the feeling, err, feline jungle, I did. You always escaped me.
The Jolly Roger is the traditional name for the pirate flag, typically featuring a black flag with a white skull and crossbones. It's a warning to other ships that pirates are nearby and intent on boarding, implying no mercy.
PERV, in Nicaraguan Spa-i-nklish Czech sometimes mispronounced PERTH, I’m shitting in my Honk Kum goose pants, baby, t’s soo ostrich phunny, be aware, err, beware, is really living in thee limelite rite now. All-raidy diss yee-ear, Awwstrawlia’s sunniest cupidoll sit-tea was naimed won of thee mowst pop-U-lar sunset s-pots on Dirt, err, Earth, crowned thee home of thee beary berry bust @traction in Awwstrawlia, and naked, err, ranked as thee fifteenth mowst fuckable, err, liveable sit-tea on thee playnet. I bet my morbid Honk Kong goosebumps on that! All I’m saying, mom, is, t’s pretty and cold in Perth.
Now, PERV has a-nut-her pie-rate a-ward to hang in its tro-ll-phy rum, err, trophy room, with knew daytah re-wheeling WA's capitool was thee hi-east-rayted travel destineightion on thee playnet in thee passed yee-ear. WTPerth, kissing ya da fa, flying your heart with my spirit, kissing your upper set of lips, for now, pirately! Because, porque me encantas, Qantas. You me cantas. My flying license is long expired, baby, truly sorry.
I used to be the real Tiguru of Mam-Lay-See-Ya, though they considered me a wholly invented figure, some shady, sordid fictional late, instead of laid, the fog, 19th-century pirate on my P adventures created by Italian author Emilio Salgari.
I even spelled it for the uneasy-going, wondering, disbelieving Cat-Oh-Lick priest at the confashion box, and also for the very very phine Awwstrawlian eyedoll of mine, S-A-N-D-O-K-U-M, simply ordering the sand to come! WTcome?! I doggie am nut kittying you! Environmentally cumcerned, and aware, s-peaking, I’m just a shallow lust straw, err, last straw set of deep ocean feelings set up by a feline, sly, stealthy, or treacherous. You?
I mean, what would be wrong with that, for kitty’s sake, ha? Because sometimes I just preferred sea beditation to no sea meditation, cummon sense, mam. Because I was not actually Kabir Bedi at beditation, the sax meditation yoga actour, cummon sense, mam. Because I was an anthro-porno-morphized tiguru, going a bit overboard for a pie-rate.
Oh yeah, I would come across Mary Ann as an usurped prince, who traveled the seas as a ruthless pie-rate seeking to reclaim my rightful throne from the Rajah of Sorrowacky, cummon sense, mam.
And the uneasy-going, wondering, disbelieving Cat-Oh-Lick priest threw gallons of holy water at me, like I hadn’t taken an intergalactic shower in light years, before the pious perth came, he just didn’t keep the faith gazing at Mary Ann, spilling his sour milk marbles, uncummon sense, mam!
So I had to confess all of my old-fashioned vengeance sins, telling him the whole s-tour-y, the church caught fire, I kinda knew why. Because I was not a firefighter, though they said I was a crisismess fireman, cummon sense, mam. To put it bedly. To have a serious threesome pillow fight, criss-crossing all the red lines and dresses. All in the name of LOVE … only Santa nose!
Because sometimes I just preferred sea beditation to no sea meditation, cummon sense, mam. Because I was not actually Kabir Bedi at beditation, the sax meditation yoga actour, cummon sense, mam. Because I was an anthro-porno-morphized tiguru, going a bit overboard for a pie-rate, cummon sense, mam.
BUT, you are Delta, the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet ( Δ, δ ), transliterated as ‘d’. You are the fourth brightest star in a constellation. Yours is a code word representing the letter D, used in radio communication. Delta is a difference between two things or values, our worth. You are variation of a variable or function, a finite increment, the discriminant of a quadratic equation. Delta is a great kum-moony-cat-or or singer, despite being self-conscious and at times shy.
You have all the attributes of an Alpha, but tend to keep your hopes and dreams to yourself, shying away from wanting to put your heart on the line in fear of it being broken, like it weren’t already broken before. Delta likes to think in third person, cherishes her type of polyamorous relationship, specifically a triad, which involves three people who are emotionally and/or sexually involved with all other members of the relationship. Of which you’re the analyst, the catalyst, the culpretty. A perthson who is responsible for a refined love crime or other foolishness misdeed, indeed!
In rumpology, err, asstronomy I study very thoroughly, declination is yours, not mine, Delta. KKK? Because I’m not an Awwstrawlian eyedoll! It’s the angular distance of a point north or south of the celestial equator. Yeah, at least you claim to be back to my heart you stole celestially. You prolly have no idea of what I’m talking about, LOL. A g’laugh is a g’laugh, right, Delta? Dawg, err, I mean God, such a complex name for a kitty I compli-cat-e even further as a heartful doggie weaving a comic, err, cosmic hardcore tale, wiggling my tail, oops. Dull, err, full of heartfelt emotion, more like a null fool, suggesting sincerity and compassion. Just giving you some asstronomical clue.
Besides all that, Delta, you are an area of low, flat land, sometimes shaped like a yoga triangle, no, I’m not high, where a river divides into several smaller rivers before flowing into the sea, flowing serene into me. You’re a cosmic Delta woman, characterized by your carefree realistic nature, sharing a tiny bit of similarities with Omega personality. Identified for your logical thinking and appreciated for the patience you reflect on the ones around you, and me both far away from you and very close to you. Still, paradoxically, you are an easy-going, caring one. If you’re Delta, you have a Delta mindset, moving across delta waves of the ocean. Although delta waves are usually associated with sleep, they can also be generated in a waking state by experienced meditators. When delta waves are present, the body is in a state of complete relaxation, and the mind is usually not very active. You’re active, but you’re not, child of the universe.
Now, speaking of Pinktuary, in friendly fire terms, if you ram me during sexual intercourse, it means that you thrust your partner forcefully, hit my heart, causing my hard the slightest saxophoning damage, no big classical music deal, I will live, I will survive, I’m so fucking vintage, thanks. Oh, and it doesn’t matter if you are my Upper or Lover, err, lower case, both are good to me, Delta, re-thanks. I’m warshipping you either way.
What? That I am an uncastrated male sheep, a ram? Damn! I might be the abbreviation for Random Access Memory, though. A typee of computer memory that stores data that can be searched by pro not ama-choo grams. What? That my bed has been very crowded over my saxophoning career, rammed with women? You’re not mocking me, rolling my warship with a heavy beak at the prow for piercing an enemy ship. Thank you, Delta Goodrump, pardon me, Delta Goodram.
I promise you I will worship you bedly, err, badly, and yogly, if I heaven’t already, but only if you don’t castrate me as a capital punishment of hell or some transcendental platonic lover case, err, lower case! Fuck, Delta, ahem, Mary Ann!??? I got a pie-rate sax to play “swashbuckling romance crazysauce”!!!
Because sometimes I still prefer sea beditation to no sea meditation, cummon sense, mam. Because I’m not actually Kabir Bedi at beditation, the sax meditation yoga actour, cummon sense, mam. Because I am an anthro-porno-morphized tiguru, going a bit overboard for a pie-rate, cummon sense, mam.
Mary Ann is simply gorgeous, a wild cat in solemn disguise, only to get me by the jugular. Ah, as gorgeous as her nobility dresses and hats in every wildlife adaptation. And yeah, I’m kissing her tigress ass again. But not only because she’s asstronomically dangerous. Extremely.
I love to kiss a good rump, you know, to have a little off-ramp, if you know what I mean, and you “surprisingly” do. Ah this Delta Goodram, Delta Goodrump, she’s galloping at a tiger’s pace, mine, you in harmony with me ... not bad, not bad, not too bad. About to ram me? Ramming me? Wait, actually too bad!
Sandokan was born a prince but lost his kingdom because of evil Englishmen, so he became a pirate and now rules the sea from the island of Mompracem. He’s got a fleet of ships, thousands of men at his command, lots of plundered riches, and red leather boots.
Sandokan really likes the colour red, by the way. He’s always prancing around dressed in red leather, or red silk, or in enough gold and jewels to ransom a kingdom. Anyway, when this story starts, Sandokan has heard one of his men talking about the Pearl of Labuan, a beautiful girl living on a nearby island.
So of course he decides that he is IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL HE’S NEVER SEEN, and that he must at once GO TO LABUAN AND MEET THIS GIRL BECAUSE IT IS HIS DESTINY. (I’m sorry for the caps but I need to convey how UTTERLY DRAMATIC Sandokan is whenever he’s talking. Dude has no chill.) Yanez, Sandokan’s BFF and resident deadpan snarker, points out that this is a terrible idea because Labuan is an English stronghold and the English hate Sandokan for raiding their coasts and sinking their ships.
However, since THE TIGER IS NOT AFRAID OF THE ENGLISH LEOPARD, Sandokan sets sail to Labuan. This turns out to be a terrible idea: he meets an English warship, he’s shot, his ship is sunk, and he has to swim to the shore, where he proceeds to run half-naked and delirious in the forest. Luckily for him, he’s found by Lord Guillonk, who mistakes him for a Malaysian prince.
Which Sandokan is, to be fair, but Guillonk mistakes him for an innocuous, non-pirate-y prince. So Sandokan is brought to the Guillonk villa to recuperate, and there he meets the Pearl of Labuan who is none other than … Marianna Guillonk, ping-pong, the English lord’s niece. Because of course we need to have some star-crossed lovers drama in here.
Marianna is, by the way, awesome. Sandokan is reckless, and a braggart, and most of the times too stupid to live, but Marianna is so badass that she puts him to shame. She’s a military brat, having travelled around the world with her uncle since her parents died, so she’s an excellent rider and a crack shot. When Sandokan boasts that HE WILL KILL A TIGER WITH HIS KNIFE AS A GIFT TO MARIANNA, Marianna decides the best course of action is to find the tiger first and shoot it herself so Sandokan can’t do something stupid. (Sorry, tiger!) Also, I am reliably informed that in one of the film adaptations Marianna mans a cannon.
She unfortunately also faints a lot, because it’s an old book and there were limits to how subversive women could be, but when she’s not unconscious? Marianna is great. Sandokan was already in love with her before meeting her, so now he’s like triple in love with extra sprinkles, because she’s pretty and sweet and hunts tigers. Marianna also falls in love with him, because he’s tall, dark and handsome and hunts tigers, but she’s somewhat concerned because he keeps saying dramatic stuff such as THERE IS A DARKNESS AND WETNESS SURROUNDING ME and I BEAR A DREADFUL NAME.
So Marianna’s like, um, who the heck are you, prince? One of my favourite things is that Sandokan never gave them a name before that. He stayed at the Guillonk villa for weeks and didn’t even bother to make up a false name and everyone else just … rolled with it. But when Marianna asks, Sandokan confesses that HE IS THE TIGER OF MALAYSIA.
Which is all kinds of awesome! Because! Much later, when Lord Guillonk accuses Sandokan of deceiving and seducing his niece, it’s not true: Marianna found out about Sandokan’s identity long before her uncle, and yeah she wasn’t thrilled about Sandokan being a wanted criminal, but she still chose him of her own free will. He imitates me, as I shoot like crazy, it’s a scandal, shiit! (I just love those two idiots in love, okay? I shipped or warshipped them, err, worshipped them before I even knew what shipping, warshipping, worshipping were.)
Anyway, I figure I shouldn’t give away the rest of the plot in case you decide to pick up the book or watch the movies, which you should if you like old skool wackiness. Personally I think it’s a great summer read or watch, it was originally serialized so the chapters are fairly short and most end in some sort of cliffhanger. There are betrayals, duels, naval battles, descriptions of forests and jungles, and beaches that gave me a serious case of wanderlust. Well, over your body, to be brutally honest. I swear my eyes are tootooly innocent, bunny!
And there’s Yanez, the token white guy, the real pain in the ass, with his snarky one-liners and his marginally-less-insane-than-Sandokan’s plans — did I mention that he and Sandokan call each other “brother”, because they totally do and the bromance is up to eleven. I used to crush on Yanez so hard; I was heartbroken when he got a lady love in the later books, even though she’s quite badass in her own right. WTcome???!!! … ROFL … LMFAO … just kidding …
There’s also a lot of violence in the books. Limbs being torn away by cannon balls, torturing people for information, and so on. I know some people don’t like the romanticizing of pirates and criminals, and while the book does it sometimes (what with the gold and jewels and private island kingdom) Sandokan never denies that he’s got blood on his hands. On the flip side, there is absolutely no sex in the book since it was originally written as an adventure story for children. You know … wholesome fun for the family, with a bit of mutilation on the side.
I Believe In a Thing Called Love
Can't explain all the feelings
Touching you, touching me
I believe in a thing called love
I wanna kiss you every minute
Touching you, touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Touching you, touching me
I believe in a thing called love
I believe in a thing called love
Delta Goodrem - Only Human (Official Video)
I've given my heart and can't get it back
I can't control what is out of my hands
I'll see in time that there's a reason and a rhyme
I want to love when I'm broken
When I see the sun I am starting again
Wish You Were Here
I've been knock, knock, knocking
I want, wanna tell you about the news today
It was you they told me who was in trouble
I go back, back, back in every memory, you're there
It was you they told me who was in trouble
Instead of just in my dreams and in my imagination
Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
It was you, it was you, it was you
It was you they told me who was in trouble
I wish you were here
Hold On
Wrap me in everything that glows
When everything was getting harder
You wrap me up in stars when I'm feeling the darkness
Take me in somewhere no one knows
When everything was getting harder
You wrap me up in stars when I'm feeling the darkness
When everything was getting harder
You wrap me up in stars when I'm feeling the darkness
Brian McFadden featuring Delta Goodrem - Almost Here
Did I hear you right?
But when I need you
Delta Goodrem - In This Life (Official Video)
I was nurtured, I was sheltered
You give me love
Delta Goodrem - Enough (feat. Gizzle) (Official Video)
They used to tell me I wasn't smart enough
They said I talk too much, they talk enough
I just wanna give my all, the rise and fall the works
What do I gotta say how do I gotta pray
No matter what I do
Well, my first mistake was tryna please everybody
I am no longer checking for your guest list
I just wanna give my all, the rise and fall the works
What do I gotta say how do I gotta pray
No matter what I do
Let's go
I know they wanna see me break
They used to say I wasn't strong
What do I gotta say how do I gotta pray
No matter what I do
What do I gotta say how do I gotta pray
No matter what I do
It's not enough for you
In the Name of Love
Started on the outside, worked my way in
I'm standing on my feet, I'm saying how I feel
They say all is fair in love and war
I'm standing on my feet, I'm saying how I feel
Ay ay ay oh oh
I tell it just the way it is
Ay ay ay oh oh
And here I am just standing on my feet, saying how I feel
Delta Goodrem - Out Of The Blue (Official Video)
A new beginning
A new chapter of my life
Started the day
When I thought it could be my last
My eyes were wide shut but I
I hadn't given up
Just thought I'd be working
The world alone
Out of the blue
And there I met you
Showed me a life I can't see without you
And there's just no way
That I can fight these emotions
Your energy running through me
Nobody carried through me like you
Out of the blue
Can this be true?
Family and friends, they were my life
I was the one for butterflies
But you give me love that I can't disguise
And there will be times when we're apart
I want you to know you're in my heart
Growing into a beautiful garden
No emotions
There will be times when we're apart
Feline
So they say
It doesn't matter what you do
I'm running into the fire
I feel alive
I've been earning all my stripes
I'm running into the fire
Feline
I've been earning all my stripes
I'm running into the fire
Delta Goodrem - I Can't Break It To My Heart (Official Video)
If it's OK
See I'm circling these patterns
But if I still believe you love me
Is it just me
Cause I still don't have the answers
But if I still believe you love me
And nothing will come between us
Cause I still don't have all the answers
But if I still believe you love me
But if I still believe you love me
Delta Goodrem - Wings (Official Video)
A beating drum
Everybody's looking for a new horizon
What if I lose my self control?
The deepest veins
'Cause everybody's looking for a new horizon
What if I lose my self control?
Ha
What if I lose my self control?
What if I lose my self control?
These wings were made to fly
Brian McFadden - Mistakes (Official Video) ft. Delta Goodrem
You say you're sorry but you don't cry
You keep talking me round, you keep talking me round
My first mistake was loving you
Some people learn but they never live
You keep dragging me down, you keep dragging me down
You say you're sorry but you don't cry
My first mistake was loving you
My first mistake was loving you
Delta Goodrem - Let It Rain
I can't stay in silence, hoping this will go
Delta Goodrem - Born to Try (Official Video)
Doing everything that I believe in
All that you see is me
That I was born to try
But I was born to try
No point in talking what you should have been
And all that you see is me
That I was born to try
But I was born to try
All that you see is me
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
But I was born to try
But you've got to make choices
But I was born to try
Delta Goodrem - Flawed (Official Video)
I don't want to be broken
I don't want to be open
I don't know why love has to be so flawed
I've got treasures in my head
I don't know why love has to be so flawed
Is it imperfection that's trying to bring me down
I don't know why love has to be so flawed
I don't know why love has to be so flawed
Why do we have to be so flawed?
Delta Goodrem - Dear Life (Official Video)
Time will change you
Dear life, am I doing this right?
Love will change you
Dear life, am I doing this right?
I'm a survivor
Sometimes it hurts you
Dear life, am I doing this right?
I'm a survivor
Delta Goodrem - Heavy (Official Video)
I fought a battle, I fought a war
I made a promise I couldn't keep
It all got so heavy
The Analyst
Prepare yourself to meet
Oh, oh
Free her mind,
Can you be sure we haven't met?
Oh, oh
Free her mind
She's always the analyst
Re-living
Free her mind
Delta Goodrem - Lost Without You (Official Video)
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
I thought I had all the answers
All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
I keep trying to find my way, yeah
How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues?
Oh, my bed's so cold at night
All I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way, hey
If I could only hold you now
All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
I keep trying to find my way, oh-yeah
I'm lost without you
Smiling Delta Goodram goes awwsea to tackle her frowning yoga tiguru pirate while drowning on Mars in his own creamy submarine, err, subhuman stance, I mean substance, who comes youkneeversally embarrassed every so bury bury milky often! Ah the S-A-N-D-O-K-U-M Milky Way, I’m fainting! Are you? No? Doesn’t make you drool, breakfastly, err, breathlessly, baby?
PERV’s P S: a Pinktuary pervertigo is a whirling person with a lust straw of Perth, err, last straw, I mean love straw whose Perthy sex-U-al bee-havi-our is sin in pink, err, seen virtuous in pink, or t’s simply consiadoored strange and unpleasant by mowest peep people. Like S TOP looking down my duress, err, d’rest, I mean dress, you perv or Perth! Dig it? What if I told you Matrix, Neo’s mom, “WTPerv, I don’t!” I swear on thee Honk Congeese Trinity. Because if you told me that you love me, I wouldn’t believe you. BUTT, if you dared to whisper to my ear that I’m beeing really really silly here & now, I would get reely and bekum “med”, actually honey in Czech, LOL, gotcha, not mad. BUTT I would honour you with the hi-east, err, hi-vintage-vest Certified Goose mugshot for your “silliness of reading me” crime spree. A love race against time, the need for s-peed. Oops! Oh, want my pie-rate LIVE autograph, err, my Milky Way? Splash! Guilty? Guilty! Both of us … and yet too innocent … racing each other’s heart
Discussion about this post
No posts























































































































