Duh! Athena, Athena! How You Screwed Up, Mam!

If it were not for an olive tree, Poseidon might have been Athens´ patron. But Athena, the goddess of wisdom, outsmarted the prick, dumber than dirt!

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So yesterday my heroic stunt in Sparta resulted tragically in a glorious yet unhappy ending, no big deal, which today prompted me to go to Athens because I had nothing better to do in my boring afterlife. I mean, in eternity, one has so much idle time on what used to be hands.

Athens was the intellectual center of Grease. Yep, that rusty, atheistic Paid Subscriber machine. Just kidding. Greece! Such a dumbass, lol! It was one of the first city-states of its time, and is still known as one of the most famous cities in the world. It was named after Athena, the goddess of wisdom and the city's patron. Ah, Athena, Athena, how you screwed up! Duh! Mam?

In 508 B.C., Athens became one of the first societies, Hellfire clubs, in ancient times to invent democracy. Yep, that bullshit that some of us have or hate. Why do I say so? Well, because, according to warhawk John Ballston, in Nicaragua, part of the Axis of Evil, the Unholy Trinity, in between Cuba and Venezuela, we have a dictatorship, which any true revolutionary like me calls dictatorshit. Anyway.

Democracy or demoncracy came from the Greek words, demos, like demons, meaning people, I mean poople, like poop, and kratein, meaning to rule, I mean cretins, yep, cosmic cretinism at it. That. This form of government was usually held in a meeting place, which the Athenians called the Assembly. You know harems, right? Here the citizens of Athens met monthly, come on, duh, daily, and discussed the affairs of state. Pure debauchery, dirty business as usual, dead serious. There were no decisions made by government without first asking the Assembly. You know yes mams.

Athens was a democratic state where education, art, and philosophy was valued. It believed that all citizens should be included in government decisions and tried to unite the people. Aha, should! Based on a direct democracy system, in which eligible citizens directly voted on laws. Eligible, right, go figure, lol! Yep, believed, nope, didn´t make it happen, swell! Sparta was a military state where strength, size, and fighting capabilities were most important, bloodthirsty all the way, no fooling around, baby!

Though Athens and Sparta differed greatly, there were similarities. First, they were both Greek city states. Even though they seem to be opposites, they both show different sides of Greek culture: beauty, intellectualism, militarism and order. Finally, they were actually both on the same side in their unity against the Persians. Needless to highlight again, I did most of the heavy lifting, and all only with one hand, no shit!

At the age of seven, Spartans began their military training. Because any kiddo would want to spend their lives in a cool military base, and live a happy childhood while kicking ass. Athens has the most theatrical stages in the world. So man, it is understandable that the Greeks take theater very seriously, as the tradition of theater dates back to the time of Athens’ first democracy, pure theater, so much so that Athens is home to 148 theater stages, more than the West End and Broadway combined, bra! I am a freak, err, I mean Greek!

If it were not for an olive tree, Poseidon might have been Athens´ patron. According to mythology, Athena and Poseidon competed for the title of the guardian of the city. They each offered a gift to gain favor of its people and the gods, but Athena’s olive tree was deemed more valuable than the salt water spring given by Poseidon, so her name was given to the city-state. No matter what, Athens is Europe’s oldest capital, where the ancient Olympic games were never held, whoops!

The Acropolis has a troubled past. This sacred temple has known some hardship. It has been storage for munitions, army barracks, converted into a church, then a mosque, then a harem. Holy smoke, hail Mary! So the marathon is a commemoration of the run of the Greek soldier, meh, me running for my pathetic life! Got a problem with that?

Hey, see, I feel this pretty sick urge to educate the masses on a matter of frequent debate. This is none other than Athens versus Sparta, and I can say the thorough research and facts have led me to conclude that Sparta is a much better city-state than Athens. Sparta is better than Athens because of its respect of women, women above all, more equal school system, integrity of government, treatment of slaves, and far superior military.

First of all, women were given far more rights than in Athens. Women in Sparta could own their own land, participate in politics and the olympics, among other things. Whereas in Athens women were not even allowed to leave their houses of their own accord. WTF, Athena, goddess of wisdom, such a beautiful, dumb ass you have there! To screw me? WTF, Athena, behave! Once upon a time you screwed up royally! Athens is generally considered to be the birthplace of Western civilization. Damn, it hurt!

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