SomeHow, SomeWhat
Life's never whole, it just shatters constantly. All we can do hurting through it is just to fall to pieces. But when we hear this love song the powerful true words just put us back together, somehow.
Life’s difficult. Who hasn’t felt “it’s all over” over and over again? Who hasn’t felt “my world’s beyond the verge of collapse”? And then you hear a voice, it sounds like an angel, a guardian angel reaching out to you to save you, to save you broken from your broken world, to put all your pieces back together, to make you a more perfect PERFECT for me. You don't want to talk about things anymore, your words all come out wrong and don't convey even half of your message. You just wanna cry in front of your angel, you can let your guard down. The angel just picks you up, he’s your love net, he catches you every time you fall or drown in pain. He makes you fly when your wings are broken or burned, he makes you swim when you don’t see the shore. And you just make it, somehow. You’re safe, safe with your angel, somewhat.
A melancholic overflow of deep emotion comes straight from the wrenched heart of an angel, a guardian angel. He knows you wanna let him wonderful know how you feel, but you don’t know how, tears do know how, they know how, they do. A teary garden grows love and only love makes life beautiful and whole, no matter just for a limited time, until it shatters again and the cycle resumes its course. Sometimes tears do more than words, tears are love, hurt is love, love can and does come from hurt, it does, we know, we hurt, but we heal. Didn’t Jesus love us first, didn’t he suffer for all of us paying the ultimate price? Don’t angels cry? Don’t angels hurt having to save us over and over again? Don’t I hurt having to save you again? I will save you again and again and again, I am your immortal, just as you are mine!
It’s so true when you feel like things are hopeless, you just want your lover to hold you tight, you don’t want to talk or discuss anything, you just want him to hold you and never let go, realizing this is more than hope, it’s everything, though it looks like nothing, this nobody puts all the fallen pieces of your puzzle together, with you homebody, piece by piece, no matter life’s difficult, unfaithful, no matter it’s never whole, no matter it’s a shithole without a bottom, no matter I’m a digging shithead.
It’s not only the angel enduring through everything, bleeding Christ’s blood, it’s you bleeding it too, enduring through everything, having this funereal, eternal, ethereal connection with the guardian angel, falling, fallen to his own pieces, your desperate soulmate, your angry twin flame, your fucking immortal. And he’s always with you, even if you don’t see him, even if you don’t believe it, because you only feel him as he feels you. You seek him as much as he seeks you, you miss him as much as he misses you, and yet he reaches you, not exactly as you want, but that’s his perfect imperfections you both love and hate, because he never spares you the pleasure of the pain. Despite all that, he always rescues you, you wouldn’t be here if he didn’t, he always brings you back to the life that ‘s difficult and never whole, however much it hurts. It’s not that he’s cruel, he’s just not perfect, he himself waits for his angel who’s late. Yet he always takes you to a special place, like the peaceful shrine of truth, where you find your soul again, where you find your flame again, where you find your immortal over and over again when you feel like giving up without wanting to. He loves you.
You’re just comforted by his existence, but it’s never enough, because you need him closer. Yet it feels like he’s never enough being out there somewhere for you, as you’re overwhelmed and he always leaves, abruptly disappears, leaving you on your own, but, deep down, you know you’re never alone. Though you think him too much, though you dream him too much, though you wish for him so much, the guardian angel is just a faulty man by default, a love ghost in the magic beauty of the emotion fog. Deep mistakes carve him human. He lacks you, that’s why he’s never enough, ending up nowhere. And so there’s never enough of his journeying here and there, saving you now and then. He’s just like you journeying here and there and yet getting nowhere, where we meet, saving each other, in a most bizarre way. Cruelty is a beast no-one can tame. You just wanna know who he is and what he’s not, how he’s fallen and how he’s caught. You’re dying to hear anything from him, just like he is for you, he wants more, he needs more, a silly Christian, whipped by the Devil, darkness-lit, who happens to sort of restore your faith in Jesus again, through his flying Burden of Shame.
Av’s song’s just beautiful, so prophetic, capturing an emotional moment that hasn’t happened yet. A precious moment about simply being in love with someone and nothing else matters, like I wrote it for you, like all the other love songs, like we are all the nothing that really matters, when one wants to know everything, anything more about the significant other, making oneself completely vulnerable, crying oneself to sleep, clinging to the love to keep. I need my pacifier, YOU, ‘cause I was told pacifiers are forever, and I believed, and I still believe no matter all the shattering! I know first hand that death is just the beginning!
Because only whenever you feel bad and pure you wanna be with him. But he wants to be with you even when you feel good or great without him sinner, when you don’t need him or want him, a shocker that costs you dearly! Do you really wanna cry in front of him and have him hold you and tell you “Baby, it'll be okah, everything’s gonna be just fine, such is life, life’s difficult, unfaithful, life’s never whole, I dunno, but that’s all we got. Just try to love my math, okay? Plus, I’m your angel, somehow. Minus, somewhat silly. Multiplying love, baby! Dividing SAVE ME!!!”?
Because sometimes it's him who upsets you, your guardian angel, the silly man, the pious sinner, the unknown soldier entombed you’re crying or cringing about, you’re ticked at … “i don't wanna fall to pieces i just wanna sit and stare at you i don't wanna talk about it and i don't want a conversation i just wanna cry in front of you i don't wanna talk about it i'm in love with you 'cause i'm in love with you i'm in love with you i'm in love with you!!!”
… just in case i did fall to pieces somehow ... and you did just that … somewhat
I looked away
Then I looked back at you
You tried to say
Things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all
And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
You're the only one
I'd be with 'til the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms
And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
Want to know who you are
Want to know where to start
I want to know what this means
Want to know how you feel
Want to know what is real
I want to know everything, everything
And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
.
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Hello, My Friend (Unplugged) . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztwzm8uXVnQ