Deborah & Liborah Bone/Boner

I dunno how you can live without me. Cuz I really dunno how to live without you. I feel like turning in my grave again. I'd rather turn in your blender beaver. Upologees for being so row-wooman-tick!

Liborah’s bunny? Holy cow, baby, you are my spirit animal! My famished body is dead without your supreme blender. My inferior soul hangs by the love thread on your sexy bone. As an irresponsible toddler, I’m an amateur electrician, plugging all my met-ah-physical energy into you sublime, my God’s divine machine, let there be heaven, cuz there’s already the queensland thunder and the striking lightning. My daily ritual of the eternal night sky, a noisy lava argument, no forking yema problema, silent schema, spooning upologees for being so row-wooman-tick?

I found love in the most unexpected way, in the most dee-leah-shows beaverage, I drink my oat-h milk to that. It makes me so foo-foo-king chai that I axe-dentally turn it up to ten, and it blows me into pieces, into the Ginger Lee, the man, who screws up royally, hardly taming his flying Bull Ship. You glide me, you fly me, baby! Actually, the model is DHC-2 Beaver Seaplane, not yolking. Gurgle that! The speed is the key and the way to the Milky Way across the universe of pleasure and pain. But it’s all worth it, one gets so ex-static-ly electrocuted, that’s why I’m such a cute baby, obediently playing with his faywar toy. I don’t throw tantrums like Trum P. Ass instructed, sweetie, I’m a good Vengaboy who goes a lot, I mean Reel Camelot, to Ibiza to eat doodles & oodles & noodles of pizza and sympathy. Sometimes they call me Sir Lancelot, bent on banana milk shakes and splits, your knight in 4Eva search of the Holy Grail, the most noble quest of all, kingdom come.

What else am I supposed to do as Lancelot, ha? I lance, I lance a lot, sorry. I was born rebellious. Dead set on resisting the poe-lick-tickal marriage arranged for me by my father, I traveled the world and led a licentious life instead. After being wounded at a drunken brawl in a tavern I was rescued by Odette’s immense inner and outer beauty and finally came to realize what my heart truly yearned for. The prodigal son made a repentant return and thus my biggest love adventure across the Land of Dawn began … you blender, err, beaver, I mean blender beaver! Bend and blend then, Deborah, I praise thee! Oki doki, I Liborah will bend and you will blend, baby, deal! The sacred blending rite of Un-comedy-tional Love, I lava thee! But yeah, I have a crush on your foo-foo box, I’m a boxer, sortah. Nutting is wrong with my sex cells, I mean broken cellphones, 2, err, my brain! Right? Nah, we don’t have any mental health issues, baby, relax, let me do my love job on you! And as a reward, can I be awarded the Blender of the Twenteeth Thirst Century? I wish to get it for Krismess, and my Buthdy, too. And suffice to say, I’m reborn every day through celebrating Krismess every single day, even when I’m cycling. Yes? Yes? Happy Buthdy Mutherfucker? Merry Krismess? Yes!!! High Five! Ohio yes, Ohio yes! O High yes, o High yes! O Hi, Whats Your Name! Deborah? Deborah? Are you fruit-caking serious? I am Liborah! We rhyme soo fucking much, baby, ooh, Deborah & Liborah, we have soo much in common, woo-hoo, ah baby! And your last name, lady? Bone? Bone? Holy fucking cow! Oh my dogging fog, mine is Boner. Deborah & Liborah Bone/Boner … Dearest God, thank you, thank you …

Pulp - Disco 2000

Oh, we were born within an hour of each other
Our mothers said we could be sister and brother
Your name is Deborah, Deborah
It never suited ya
And they said that when we grew up
We'd get married and never split up
Oh, we never did it
Although I often thought of it

Oh, Deborah, do you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
When I came 'round to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said

Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago

You were the first girl at school to get breasts
And Martyn said that you were the best
Oh, the boys all loved you but I was a mess
I had to watch them try and get you undressed
We were friends, that was as far as it went
I used to walk you home sometimes, but it meant
Oh, it meant nothing to you
'Cause you were so popular

Deborah, do you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
When I came around to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said

Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago

Do it
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

Oh, Deborah, do you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
And when I came around to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said

Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago

Oh, what are you doing Sunday, baby?
Would you like to come and meet me maybe?
You can even bring your baby
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
What are you doing Sunday, baby?
Would you like to come and meet me maybe?
You can even bring your baby
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Pink Glove

You better watch what you're wearing
If you want him to come round and see you tonight
Uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh
But he doesn't care what it looks like
Just as long it's pink and it's tight
It's what he likes
Uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh

Oooh
So what should you do
Should you stop being you
Just to be how he wants you?
Oooh
Go and visit your mum
And tell me that you'll come
And meet me in the afternoon
Oooh
He's got your heart
You got his soul
You might as well know

So what?
I know you're never gonna be with me
But do you understand now that maybe
You got it right first time?
I realise that you'll never leave him
But every now and then in the evening
You could get it right first time
I know you think I gotta be joking
But if you touch him again then I'm going
Oh, you got it right first time
Get it right first time

And now you've done once, now he wants you
To wear your pink glove all the time
Uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh

Oooh
So what should you do
Should you stop being you
Just to be how he wants you?
Oooh
Go and visit your mum
And tell me that you'll come
And meet me in the afternoon
Oooh
He's got your heart
You got his soul
You might as well know

So what?
I know you're never gonna be with me
Until you understand now that maybe
You got it right first time
I realise that you'll never leave him
But every now and then in the evening
You could get it right first time
I know you think I gotta be joking
But if you touch him again then I'm going
Oh, you got it right first time
You get it right first time

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh you'll always be together
'Cause he gets you up in leather
And you know what to wear at the end of the day
And I'd laugh if I saw that I'm out of the way
Yeah it's too long ago, shouldn't care anymore
But I wanted to know, is it as good as before?
Yeah it's hard to believe that you go for that stuff, all those
Baby-doll nighties, synthetic fluff
Oh it looks pretty good, yeah it fits you okay, yeah
Wear your pink glove, babe
You put it on the wrong way!

Oh, so
I know you're never gonna be with me
Until you understand now that maybe
You got it right first time
I realise that you'll never leave him
But every now and then in the evening
You could get it right first time
I know you think I gotta be joking
But if you touch him again then I'm going
Oh, you got it right first time, yeah
Oh, I know that you'll never leave him
Ooh ooh ooh, oh, but d'you see yet?
You got it right first time
Get it right first time

Ansaphone

Oh I know I don't own you
But I don't even know if I should phone you
Someone sending me letters
Saying you've been going with other fellers
And they bored you
But I don't want to cry
Or talk for hours
To a machine on the end of a telephone line
Oh it just kills me when all you've got to do is call
Oh do it any time 'cause there's never no-one home
Never no-one home

Leave your message on the ansaphone
I'm not trying to be clever
But at least we're not still living together
All those calls in the evening
If I answered they'd hang up without speaking
And they bored you
But I don't want to cry
Or talk for hours
To a machine on the end of a telephone line
Oh it just kills me when all you've got to do is call
Oh do it any time 'cause there's never no-one home
Never no-one home

Leave your message on the ansaphone
"Hello, its me.
I just wanted to call and say it doesn't matter what you get up to.
I just want you to stay in touch. That's all."
Are you really not at home?
Or are you there but not alone?
Screening calls you don't want to receive

Meaning calls, calls that come from me
Oh I need to see you
It's not enough for me just to hear you
You said you'd be here by ten thirty
But you want to stay out and be dirty
Oh it just kills me when all you've got to do is call
Oh do it any time 'cause there's never no-one home
Never no-one home
Leave your message on the ansaphone.

Pulp - Mis-Shapes

Misshapes, mistakes, misfits
Raised on a diet of broken biscuits, oh
We don't look the same as you
And we don't do the things you do
But we live around here, too, oh really

Misshapes, mistakes, misfits
We'd like to go to town but we can't risk it, oh
'Cause they just wanna keep us out
You could end up with a smack in the mouth
Just for standing out, now, really

Brothers, sisters, can't you see?
The future's owned by you and me
There won't be fighting in the street
They think they've got us beat
But revenge is going to be so sweet, oh-oh-oh

We're making a move, we're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes, we want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns, we won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
That's our minds

Check your lucky numbers
That much money could drag you under, oh
What's the point in being rich
If you can't think what to do with it?
'Cause you're so bleeding thick

Oh, we weren't supposed to be
We learnt too much at school
Now we can't help but see
That the future that you've got mapped out
Is nothing much to shout about, oh-oh-oh

We're making a move, we're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes, we want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns, we won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
That's our minds

And brothers, sisters, can't you see?
The future's owned by you and me
There won't be fighting in the street
They think they've got us beat
But revenge is gonna be so sweet
We're making a move, we're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes, we want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns, we won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
That's our minds, yeah
And that's our minds, yeah

Seconds

She, she used to live near his brother
Now she's an unmarried mother
With another on the way
He's second rate
Twisted out of shape
And God, he looks a state
It costs so much to look so rough
They go to town

They like to shop around
And look at all those things
At all those things they never wanted anyway
She hates his hair
That stupid coat he wears
But sometimes second best
Is the best that you can get
Oh yeah, oh, somebody told me

The seconds turn to hours
And the hours turn into days
But still it feels like the morning
The first time leaves its trace
And then slides into second place
Oh, but still it feels like the morning
And at night they try to fly
Hold on tight and close their eyes
And they hit the ground in the morning, yeah

But in the morning it's raining
Oh Christ, you're always complaining
Can't you think of something else? It's nearly-nu
A bargain basement made for two
And if you blur your eyes
You could be anywhere you want yourself to be
Oh yeah, it's bad
I know you want to laugh, so laugh
But sometimes second best
Is all you're going to get
Oh yeah, oh, somebody told me

The seconds turn to hours
And the hours turn into days
Oh, but still it feels like the morning
The first time leaves its trace
And then slides into second place
Oh, but still it feels like the morning
At night they try to fly
Hold on tight and close their eyes
And they hit the ground in the morning

But you're so perfect, you don't interest me at all
Your golden boy fell down
And don't you know he hasn't got a personality?
And I know, he said he'd last all night then gave you seconds, yeah

The seconds turn to hours
And the hours turn into days
Oh, but still it feels like the morning
The first time leaves its trace
And then slides into second place
Oh, but still it feels like the morning

And at night they try to fly
Hold on tight and close their eyes
And they hit the ground in the morning
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And my God, they're still alive
They got it wrong but they still tried
And they made it through to the morning

Pulp - Like A Friend (Video)

Don't bother saying you're sorry
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes again
Every time I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now
Wipe your feet on my dreams

You take up my time
Like some cheap magazine
When I could have been
Learning something
Well, you know what I mean

I've done this before
And will do it again
C'mon and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
And I'll come running
Just to do it again

You are that last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the train I never should have caught
You are the but that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age

Like a car crash I can see, but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but
I've just got to stay till the end
Let me tell you
It's lucky for you that we're friends

Acrylic Afternoons

I fell asleep on your sofa,
And had a dream about a small child,
In dungarees,
Who caught his hands in the doors of the Paris metro.
Then my face cracked open and you were there,
You were there dressed in green,
Saying something obscene.
But that's why I came here in the first place,
Oh well that and the tea.

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

Cushions and TV,
And the table set for tea.
One for you, one for me.
Come and lie down on the settee,
In that green jumper,
You can have anything you want.
And the clock is saying,
It's half past four but you know,
I want to stay a little more.

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

On a pink quilted eiderdown,
I want to pull your knickers down.
Net curtains blow slightly in the breeze.
Lemonade light filtering through the trees.
It's so soft and it's warm.
Just another cup of tea please (one lump thanks).

Can I stay here,
Lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you?
Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight
Whilst children play outside
And wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
And call them inside for their tea.

Oh Kevin, Shane, Julie, Diane, Wayne, Frank,
Heather, Rachel, Chelsea, Leanne, come home.
It's time for your tea.

Razzmatazz

The trouble with your brother, he's always sleeping with your mother
And I know that your sister missed her time again this month
Am I talking too fast or are you just playing dumb?
If you want I can write it down
It should matter to you but aren't you the one with your razzmatazz
And the nights on the town?
Oh-oh-oh Oh you knew it and you blew it didn't you babe?
I was lying when I asked you to stay now no-one's gonna care
If you don't call them when you said
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed
And all those stupid little things they ain't working
No they aren't working at all oh
You started getting fatter three weeks after I left you
Now you're going with some kid looks like some bad comedian
Are you gonna go out, are you sitting at home eating boxes of Milk Tray?
Watch TV on your own, aren't you the one with your razzmatazz
And your nights on the town?
Oh-oh-oh And your father wants to help you doesn't he babe?
But your mother wants to put you away
Now no-one's gonna care if you don't call them when you said
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed
And all those stupid little things they ain't working
Oh they aren't working at all
Oh well I saw you at the doctor's waiting for a test
You tried to look like some kind of heiress but your face is such a mess
And now you're going to a party and you're leaving on your own
Oh I'm sorry but didn't you say that things go better with a little bit of razzamatazz?
Na na nana na na na... and now no-one's gonna care if you don't call them when you said
And he's not coming round tonight to try and talk you into bed
Now it's half past ten in the evening and you wish that you were dead
'Cos all those stupid little things
No they ain't working, oh they aren't working at all.

Live Bed Show

She doesn't have to go to work
But she doesn't want to stay in bed
'Cause it's changed from something comfortable
To something else instead

The bed has seen it all
From the first time to the last
The silences of now
And the good times of the past
And it only cost ten pounds
From a shop just down the road
Mind you, that was seven years ago
And things where very different then.

It didn't get much rest at first
The headboard banging in the night
The neighbours didn't dare complain
Oh everything was going right
Now there's no need to complain
'Cause it never makes a sound
Something beautiful left town
And she doesn't even know its name

Now every night she plays a sad game
Called pretending nothing's going wrong

Oh but she knows
If this show was televised
No one would watch it, not tonight
But seven years ago
La la la la la la la ...

Now there's no need to complain
'Cause it never makes a sound
Something beautiful left town
And she never even knew its name
She doesn't have to go to work
But she doesn't want to stay in bed
'Cause it's changed from something comfortable
To something else instead

Do You Remember The First Time?

You say you've got to go home
'Cause he's sitting on his own again this evening
I know you're gonna let him bore your pants off again
Oh God, it's half past eight
You'll be late
You say you've never been sure
Though it makes good sense for you to be together
Still you bought a toy that can reach the places he never goes.
Oh, now it's getting late
He's so straight

Do you remember the first time?
I can't remember a worse time
But you know that we've changed so much since then
Oh yeah,
We've grown

Now I don't care what you're doing
No I don't care if you screw him.
Just as long as you save a piece for me
Oh yeah

You say you've got to go home
Well at least there's someone there that you can talk to
And you never have to face up to the night on your own
Jesus, it must be great to be straight.
Do you remember the first time?
I can't remember a worse time
But you know that we've changed so much since then
Oh yeah
We've grown

Now I don't care what you're doing
No I don't care if you screw him
Just as long as you save a piece for me
Oh yeah

You wanna go home
Oh yeah, you wanna go home
Oh yeah, you wanna go home
You wanna go home

Do you remember the first time?
I can't remember a worse time
But you know that we've changed so much since then
Oh yeah
We've grown
Now I don't care what you're doing
No, I don't care if you screw him
Just as long as you save a piece for me,
Oh yeah now

Do you remember the first time?
I can't remember a worse time
But you know that we've changed so much since then
Oh yeah
We've grown

Now I don't care what you're doing
No, I don't care if you screw him
Just as long as you save a piece for me, oh yeah now
You wanna go home

Pulp - Sorted For E's & Wizz (Video)

Oh, is this the way they say the future's meant to feel?
Or just twenty thousand people standing in a field?
And I don't quite understand just what this feeling is
But that's okay 'cause we're all sorted out for E's and wizz
And tell me when the spaceship lands 'cause all this has just got to mean something-ing

Oh, in the middle of the night
It feels alright, but then tomorrow morning
Oh, oh, then you come down, oh

Oh yeah, the pirate radio told us what was going down
Got the tickets from some fucked up bloke in Camden Town
Oh, and no-one seems to know exactly where it is
But that's okay 'cause we're all sorted out for E's and wizz
At four o'clock the normal world seems very, very, very far away
All right

In the middle of the night
It feels alright, but then tomorrow morning
Oh, oh, then you come down, oh

Just keep on moving

Everybody asks your name, they say we're all the same and now it's
"Nice one, " "geezer"
But that's as far as the conversation went
I lost my friends, I dance alone
It's six o'clock, I want to go home
But it's "no way, " "not today"
Makes you wonder what it meant
And this hollow feeling grows and grows and grows and grows
And you want to call your mother
And say "mother, I can never come home again
'Cause I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere
Somewhere in a field in Hampshire, all right"

In the middle of the night
It feels alright, but then tomorrow morning
Oh, oh, then you come down
Oh, oh, then you come down
Oh, what if you never come down?

Deborah Louise Bone, RIP, was a British mental health nurse who created the Brainbox, and who became the subject of the Pulp song "Disco 2000", written by her close friend Jarvis Cocker.

Baby, you are my 3 D blender beaver, Dynamic, Delightful, Dazzling, I love you!

I just pray & hope your/my lovely chainsaw won’t chop off my/your awwtistick ideal!